The Wordy Shipmate

dean trippe | moonbase a: Movies of Earth

Movies of Earth

Dear World,

These are the terrible movies you went to see in theaters:

Avatar
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Spider-Man 3
All of the Twilight movies

These are the awesome movies you probably didn’t see in theaters:

The Iron Giant
Fight Club
Speed Racer
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Serenity
Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

It’s more profitable to make terrible films that you’ll go see in the theater than to take any risks and try to make a good movie with a single original thought and a competent filmmaker with storytelling chops beyond casting famous people and dropping in some fart jokes.

Now go see John Carter [OF MARS] while you still have a chance, like someone who wants to see more awesome movies and fewer of the kind that make you doubt the basic worth of your own species.

2 months ago

March 18, 2012

movies rants

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TV Things That Are Ending That I Am Pissed Off About

United States of Tara
Survivor’s dignity
Haley Reinhart’s run on American Idol
American Idol’s credibility
Cheryl Cole’s involvement with U.S. X Factor

1 year ago

May 27, 2011

tv television rants

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and one more thing…

…about the 4 Series 2005 Era of Doctor Who, The whole time he kept looking back. Whole episodes are devoted to him just reminiscing, entire scenes revolve around him just dreaming of things from the past and this is supposed to be the same old man who stole a time machine and never stopped running away. The same guy who had to be grounded on earth kicking and screaming. Now all he wants to do is go home? The greatest adventure to him is the life of an ordinary man with some 19 year old? really?

…The Doctor runs because he wants to, not because he doesn’t have a choice.

1 year ago

November 14, 2010

Doctor Who rants

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I need someone to whine to…

It’s kind of lame but lately I’ve been stressed out by work, money and my single-hood. Which stinks. I wish I had more epic things to worry about. I hate my job, I hate that I have bills to pay that seemingly come from out of nowhere and I hate that I have no one to lean my head on whenever I do start whining about the other two (it also sucks that I see a lot of suitable candidates for the third bit but circumstances are eternally in the way). It’s a weird evil triad that’s the bane of my contentment. Remedy anyone of them and everything will fall into place.

1 year ago

September 12, 2010

life updates rant rants

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Today, I Feel Like…

…talking about how much I HATE Glee. I hate it with a blinding passion. It’s the most overrated, trite, manipulative piece of garbage ever to be popular on television. The whole endeavor is an insult to storytelling and musicals altogether. It’s completely ridiculous and absurd, and not in a good way.

I hate how they bastardize songs just for the sake of bastardizing them, without any real story reasons for them other than to sell song downloads on itunes this pretty much makes the whole ‘musical’ aspect just a lame gimmick, speaking of which, they have an annoyingly elaborate string of “Special guest Stars” who have no real reason to exist, meanwhile they have an entire set of supporting characters that are completely ignored and are only put to work through random catchphrases. Not to mention they have what is probably the most unimaginative, cliched depiction of a High School homosexual ever put to screen and they get praise for it.

1 year ago

September 1, 2010

tv rant rants glee

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STEVEN MOFFAT, GET THE FUCK OUT FOREVER.

korben-dallas:

YOU CAN’T WRITE A CLIFFHANGER BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO STUPID. RIVER SONG IS ANNOYING. AMY POND IS A CUNT. RORY’S TOO GOOD FOR ANYONE AND THE 11TH DOCTOR LACKS ANY EMOTIONAL DEPTH.

SPLITTING THE NEXT SEASON INTO TWO PARTS IS FUCKING STUPID, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO KEEP YOUR AUDIENCE BY MAKING THE SHOW GOOD, INSTEAD OF THROWING OUT BULLSHIT CLIFFHANGERS THAT YOU RESOLVE POORLY ANYWAYS.

QUIT KILLING MY FAVORITE SHOW, YOU DICK.

You mean like resolving the whole “Bad Wolf” bullshit that was randomly and obviously inserted into everything in series 1? Or how the Doctor defeated the Master with the power of forgiveness? Or how Rose gets a free pass for Destroying all reality because she misses the Doctor? Or how the 10th Doctor died like a pussy begging and screaming not to go? And the Eleventh Doctor lacks any emotional depth? clearly “emotional depth” to you means crying and whining over Rose since that’s all the 10th Doctor ever did. The only times the RTD era Doctor Who was stellar was when Moffat or Cornell were writing it, it’s at it’s most laughable whenever Davies takes a hit at yet another “Earth-Shattering” finale. If that was your favorite show, you have really crappy taste in things, go watch Torchwood and whack off to John Barrowman crying over dead tea boy and leave Doctor Who alone.

1 year ago

August 30, 2010

Doctor Who Rant rants

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johnny depp to play the doctor in a 2012 movie written by russel t. davies

apparently RTD isn’t done fucking up the Whoniverse yet. At least not until Johhny Depp plays a gay time lord who broods about Rose every five minutes, in imax 3d.

1 year ago

June 30, 2010

rant rants Doctor Who

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A great article about why 'Glee' sucks

1 year ago

June 8, 2010

glee rant rants hate

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oh god I hate Glee

watched the finale to see how bad it is and it totally surpassed my expectations. It was worse than I thought. This show sucks so much, why do people love it? for the cheese-tastic renditions of hit songs? why don’t they just buy a Kidz Bop CD?

When the show started I was impressed with the pilot. I thought this was going to be one hilarious and awesome jukebox musical and then just before the first half of the season ended (the show jumped the shark for me in the ‘Single Ladies’ episode), it all became this giant crapshoot of a TV show completely reliant on lazy teen drama cliches (“I’m in a wheel chair, boo hoo”, “I’m in a love triangle, sob sob”, “I’m gay, sniff sniff”) and completely unbelievable plot turns (“we’ve been pining for each other forever and now that we can be together, I think we should explore other options!” “I’m your baby daddy and I love you but you’re with another guy! and now that we can be together, nah, I can’t be tamed, see ya!” “I hate the Glee Club and I will destroy it!, oh nevermind, I actually like you guys!”). Everytime I watch this show I cringe the whole way through, it’s like watching a train wreck, actually no, train wrecks are at least interesting, this is just sad because you know it had so much potential to be the greatest thing ever.

1 year ago

June 8, 2010

tv television glee rant rants

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Random Confession

I have crippling self esteem issues…

2 years ago

May 14, 2010

rant rants confession

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love.: doctor who rant.

I actually really enjoyed the new episode however i have a few problems

1. WHAT THE HELL the sonic screwdriver can NOT be green it HAS to be BLUE. thats all im saying

2. the new tardis looks kinda tacky, like im not sure but it looks like when some one makes an alien thing out of wood and cardboard, i prefered the old one. - as i said resistant to change

3. i hate the new logo, it looks to modern, seriously doctor who is all about tradition

4. i HATE the theme tune - WHAT HAVE THE DONE TO IT - i used to get so excited with the old theme tune but now its boring and bleh!

5. NO TO BOW TIES

just to end this rant

DAVID TENNENT FTW

1) actually, the sonic screwdriver didn’t start “lighting up” until 2005, the originals just kind of spinned.

2) if I remember, it was the old one that made it look like card board, I’m surprised you ignored the incredibly detailed new TARDIS, although still doesn’t beat number 8’s mansion.

3) tradition? did you see the old logos? tell me they look anything like the Russel T Davies era logos.

4) how many times have you even heard the new theme tune?

If you’re so resistant to change, you probably shouldn’t be watching Doctor Who.

and Matt Smith just incinerated all longing for David Tennant in one episode, yeah swallow that.

edited to add: oh I just saw that Robert Pattinson is your header, never mind, I didn’t realize you were ‘special’.

2 years ago

April 6, 2010

rant rants rant about a rant

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Movie Monsters That Just Wouldn’t Work: Everything on Pandora

2 years ago

March 12, 2010

movies rant rants

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Block

I’ve been suffering through an artist’s block for about 2 years now. I’m trying to power through it but nothing’s happening. I’m just not inspired. Not anymore.

I once tried to get back into anime, what I thought was the root of it all. It did not work at all. The repetitive plots and bright colors hurt my eyes. I think I’ve grown out of it.

I watch a lot of movies hoping to be inspired by one the way it used to be but all that attracts me are movies with really personal stories that don’t really translate to drawings. I watch the old disney movies that got me to where I went but all I see is the music and story, I still can’t get myself to draw again.

It’s gotten to a point that I’m scared of it. Scared of drawing something and having it come out bad. I used to not care. I miss that.

2 years ago

March 12, 2010

rant rants

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Without getting into specifics, the key thing that makes the third film a great possibility for us is that we want to finish our story … [I’m] viewing it as an ending….[The villain] won’t be Mr. Freeze.

—

Director Christopher Nolan on Batman 3 [NYP] (via peterwknox)

Lets NOT make some Ice?

(via jasencomstock)

I think there’s a flaw (only implied here) in thinking that villains like Mr. Freeze are too silly or ridiculous for Batman. For one thing, fuck off, Batman’s silly. For another thing, you have only to look at the Animated Series episodes devoted to Freeze to see that it is absolutely possible to tell thoughtful, well-constructed stories with a lot of depth as well as action in them with those sorts of villains. The problem with Freeze in the existing movie franchises has more to do with terrible writing and ridiculous casting.

I’m honestly very meh about Nolan’s Batfilms. The first one was terrible, and the second one was incredibly uneven. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but I stand by it. As well, I found the aesthetic they went for honestly not distinctive and interesting enough (for Gotham itself) and by the time Two-Face showed up I wondered how they were justifying the logic they were trying to use.

(via love-and-radiation)

An even bigger flaw I think is judging something like Nolan’s Batman series in accordance to its source material. They should be treated as two separate entities unencumbered by each other’s own laws. Batman was silly, it was only until recently that he’s such a serious character now. I think they can both co-exist but the reason the bat movies get so much attention is because of how realistic and serious the presentation is (the main story taking center stage with none of the distractions that Burton’s over-stylized, overly moody, campy art piece had). I don’t think it’s because Mr. Freeze is too silly (at least not entirely, I believe they are creative enough to wove him in if they wanted to, the last time a villain was shoved into a movie against a director’s wishes was when Venom paraded around Spider-man 3 and we all know how that happened) I think the character itself, with its rich mythology and strong story would not add anything to the story he’s trying to tell which seems to be Bruce Wayne’s.

2 years ago

March 11, 2010

rant rants comics

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I still don’t understand all the fuss over ‘Inglorious Basterds’ and ‘Avatar’

With the Academy Awards just around the corner, I’m hoping these two movies, who have received a lot of buzz over the course of all the hoopla, don’t win Best Picture.